Filed under: Step Life
I am wondering why exwife has to continuously make Husband feel like he’s no good. Is she not grateful that she gave her 2 wonderful children that she has successfully alienated their father from them? Is she not grateful that Husband actually has paid his support on time and every month without fail for the last 11 years? Is she not grateful that Husband has carried their children on his insurance since they divorced in 1997? Is she not grateful that Husband has kept attempting to contact the children, but she won’t let him e-mail or encourage the children to want to communicate with their father?
That’s something she’s going to have to live with, what she’s done to her own children. Once a person has been beat down emotionally, it’s no wonder that Husband feels the way he does now. How is he supposed to pick up the phone and talk to a complete stranger?
Husband use to call all the time, at least once a week, or every other week when he could get ahold of the kids. NEVER did exwife let them call him back. I can count on one hand in the last 10 years they’ve called. Actually daughter called him on her own a few times, but she was hiding in a closet. Son has called once on his own.
I hope and pray that either she will get a reality check soon, or that when the kids are finally on their own they will seek their father out. If not, Husband can look back and know that he tried his best to be a part of their lives, but an obstacle stood in his way, their mother.
Daughter is 16 and son will be 15 this year. One person once told me that exwife is teaching them how to treat her one day. We shall see.
I have a wonderful family. News of a death in Newfoundland of a young cousin of Husband’s today; not so great news of Husband’s blood results and a terrible, manipulative, mean letter from CA today. I don’t think this day can get any worse!
Filed under: Family
I really don’t like waiting until a doctor’s office opens to get test results. Especially since I’ve been up since 6:30am!
Filed under: How was my day today?, Kid Behavior, My kids | Tags: kids head injury
A couple weeks we were in the hospital with Winks because she fell into a drawer in the kitchen and needed the liquid stitches. She got a boo boo bear and a lot of attention.
Well, yesterday during recess he hit his head on the play equipment and was sent to the nurses office where the put an ice pack on it for 10 minutes, the principal called me to alert me what had happened and that he was fine and if he started showing signs of a serious head injury they would call me right away. Day went without incident and he came home.
There was no bump on the side of his head where he hit, which we were a little concerned about, but when we asked him if he cried, etc. he said no. So, Husband and I were thinking it probably wasn’t as bad as one would have us to believe.
FF to dinnertime. We decided to go out for dinner since I got paid, it’s a special thing we do every two weeks with my paycheck. Anyway, at dinner we asked how he was feeling and he said that his head hurt a little and that he was a little dizzy and his vision was blurry. So, we finished up dinner and stopped by the house to get the paper from school with the time of hte incident, etc. and headed to the ER.
After 2 hours of waiting and examination, Scoober is fine. He passed all his tests they gave him with flying colors, which was a good thing, and they said to just wake him up once during the night to make sure he knows where he is and who we are.
When the doctor left, I told Scoober that if he was not telling the whole truth about his head hurting and being dizzy that we just took time away from the doctor who might need to help someone else that is hurting a lot worse than he was. Scoober then asked if he was going to get a boo boo bear like Winks. Sigh. I really hope that wasn’t the only reason he wanted to go to the ER.
Lesson learned here; you cannot doubt your children especially when they’ve been hurt at school and you get a note from the nurse, but next time I may just monitor him at home closely and if he starts to vomit or falldown a lot, then I will take him to the ER.
Expensive lesson to learn, and we’ve still not gotten the ER bill for the copay for Winks, but it may be around $60 for her, and now $60 for Scoober. Not that it should be about money, and I’ve never been one to rush my kids to the hospital or doctor at the first sign of a sneeze, but I hope that last night’s trip showed Scoober that being sick or hurt is nothing to play around with.
Wonder what today holds? Oh, and this morning, he says he’s okay but his head hurts a little. Off to give him some tylenol.
I was going to start Lesson 3 on Wednesday, but I decided to just wait and start that on Monday.
A few more behaviors last night.
- Scoober was giving me a hard time about finishing his dinner. This was at 6:30pm, he had already eaten 1 1/2 ears of corn and picked at the rest of his dinner. Me and Husband told himhe had to eat his chicken if nothing else. He took a bite of mac and cheese and was saying he was so full. We stood our ground when other times we would’ve let him get up and he would’ve had to eat that if he got hungry later. He’s gotten smart about this, b/c he can put it in the fridge and he will just go to bed and not eat anything else to get out of it. So, we made him eat and by the time I was out from my shower at 7pm, he had eaten every piece.
- Scoober then had to do his homework, which was extremely easy, but he dragged his feet doing that. He was really tired and we knew that, so we didn’t harp on him too much on him going so slowly doing it; at least he was doing it, right?
- Then it was time for his shower. In the past, Scoober has said he wants me to sit on the toilet and talk to him about the coming days events, etc. I’ve stopped doing this b/c he’s getting a little old for Mommy to sit in the bathroom with him while he showers. I ran his water for him and turned on the shower, which I need to stop doing b/c he can do that himself, and he took his shower on his own without me just fine.
- Then, it was 7:45pm and finally we could go read his book that he was wanting to read. Winks was already put to bed and I was free to hang out with Scoober to read. Lights went out at 8:20pm and all was good.
I am so proud of myself for making the effort to change my behaviors. I still need some work, I do things for Scoober that I know he can do, he’s just gotten use to me doing it for him. So, I’m making him more responsible by enabling him to do things himself. Sometimes he makes a mess, but hey, that’s how we learn.
I’m going to listen to Lesson 3 possibly tonight and read the workbook a couple times to gear up for next week. I’ll post about Lesson 3 this weekend or by Monday. So far so good!
You know, when you’re tired and exhausted, it’s hard not to loose your cool. I’m not perfect and I don’t plan on ever being perfect. Today I was a little loud, not yelling or screaming, but I had to raise my voice a few more times than I would’ve liked. A couple times, I probably didn’t have to, but I did.
I did not give into temptation to just let Scoober have what he wanted though, so that was a win. He didn’t feel like eating dinner, so I gave him 2 choices, he either did his homework and then eats dinner, or goes to bed and he didn’t get credit for his homework. He chose the first choice. I still think giving him choices is a good thing, but he only gets 2, it’s either one or the other, no in between. He used to give us another choice, but not anymore.
All in all, not a bad day, just tough for me. It’s harder for me, because I’ve got to watch and control my behavior to correct Scoobers. Now Winks is starting her tantrum phase and it’s a whole new deal with her. With Scoober, we had to keep him quiet due to the environment we were in, so most of the time we catered to him everytime he cried, whined, etc. Now that we are out of that environment and I can let Winks figure some stuff out on her own, it may be a little different at this age the 2nd time around.
So, you hear those commercials on the radio sometimes and you think to yourself, would this work for me? Well, after a couple years of behavior that seems to keep escalating in defiance, talking back and disrespect; Husband and I have decided to try the Total Transformation program by James Lehman.
We are in week 2, lesson 2 of the program. We’ve had almost an entire week of no yelling by either parent or child. It is giving me and Husband a little insight to why Scoober may behave the way he does and how he’s learned how certain behavior gets a reaction or a result that he either wants or needs.
We are having a good success early on and it is taking committment by both me and Husband to make it work. No family is perfect and we don’t want perfection, but we do want peace and a quieter environment.
I’ll try to share week by week our progress and what each lesson shares.
Lesson 1 is observing behavior.
Lesson 2 is figuring out your Parenting Role, which I have about 4 different ones; Martyr, Screamer, Negotiator, and Perfectionist. I also exhibit the Deep Pockets role, as well because I sometimes will buy Scoober things to make myself feel better about the way I treated him.
I’m finding a lot about myself in the process and am realizing that there are other ways to deal with situations.
Last night was one of the best nights with Scoober I can remember. We had a peaceful night after dinner we did puzzles and read his Boys Life Magazine before going to bed. I think it makes him feel good too seeing that Mommy doesn’t get all upset all the time. Of course, this is a work in progress and I don’t always feel like I’m doing it right, but I just take a deep breath and do my best.
